What to do if your ex hasn’t paid child support
It’s the 4th of the month and you check your account to see if child maintenance has arrived. There’s no sign of it. It’s 3 days late already, and whilst you don’t want to get into an argument with your ex over the late payment, you are not impressed.
The bills need paying, food needs to be placed on the table, schools fees are coming out of your account next week, and you need the money to keep your household running and most importantly; to raise the children.
Now you need to reach out to them to chase them for the monies they are legally supposed to provide for their own children’s upbringing. Does this story (or variations of it) sound familiar? You’re not alone.
Terms of Payment
Child support or maintenance is subjective and the exact terms of the contributions depends on your divorce agreement or court order.
Since child support is an essential part of divorce, it is crucial for you to receive regular and timely payments so you can pay for your children’s expenses.
However, there are instances where you’re not given child support regularly and this can become a problem for you and your children, and result in missed payments and tension between you and your former partner.
There may be valid reasons why your former partner may have missed or been delayed in making child support payments to you, however it’s important to address the situation promptly, to hopefully get payments back on track.
Amicable Methods
Of course the most favourable and peaceful solution would be to have a direct conversation with your former partner, to understand why the payments haven’t been made or is delayed. There may be a legitimate reason, and it is worth giving your former partner a chance to explain and rectify the situation.
That being said, it’s not OK for payments to be missed or delayed regularly, and if you sense that it’s happening on a regular basis and/or without explanation, then you may need to seek recourse using official channels.
However if there is a way to work with your ex, and communicate the importance of keeping up with regular payments, then this would be a good starting point.
Note, whilst tensions may run high over missed payments, escalating the issue into a full blown argument, may not help you get payments on track. We recommend the book ‘Non-Violent Communication’ by Marshall B Rosenberg, to help you communicate with your ex in a healthy way.
Solutions
In my experience, my former partner preferred to make payments manually on a monthly basis. Although he kept up with most payments, there were many times that payments would be delayed, or I wouldn’t know when I would be receiving it. This resulted in text conversations to try and get the payments back on track.
I suggested to my former partner that he set up an automatic payment instruction, so both he and I knew when the payments were being made.
However not all suggestions are taken onboard, so I continue to receive payments manually, but sometimes it’s worth a try to see if you can both agree to a solution.
If reasoning with your former partner doesn’t work, then you may have to pursue official channels to get child support.
Getting a Court Order
If you have a mutual agreement with your former partner, that is not an official legally binding court order. In such cases, it may be time to seek an official order from the court.
Obtaining an official court order clearly defines the obligation on the paying-party and the terms of the child support. Whilst a court order doesn’t guarantee future payments, it is a legally binding document. So breaching the conditions can result in consequences.
Having a court order in place, can help both parties adhere to the terms of the order. If you need a court order drawn up, it is best to seek legal advice, to find out your rights in your country.
Usually your income, your former partner’s income, your financial standing, lifestyle, expenses and child-costs etc will all be taken into account, when a child support figure is calculated.
You will be able to use Truced’s financial wizards to help you easily compile all your financial information, which you can present to the courts or your legal advisor.
Keeping Your Court Order Up To Date
You want to ensure that your child support court order is up to date so that there are no issues when it comes to applying it.
As your child grows, so do the costs associated with them. So ensure you are keeping an accurate log of how much support is needed for your child.
Since the court order is calculated using a multiple of factors, if your income or financial standing changes dramatically, or your child costs increase, you may wish to revisit and update your court order.
You may be able to represent yourself when applying for an adjustment for your court order, though we recommend you seek legal advice on how this should be handled.
Connect to Local Agencies/Welfare Groups
Depending on your circumstances, you may want to reach out to child support agencies, or government support associations who are well versed with dealing with late/non payment of child support.
If you are highly dependent on child support, it can be a challenge to get an immediate resolution. In such instances government associations, welfare schemes and charities may be able to assist with interim support for necessities. So it is worth reaching out to such support agencies to see what you may be entitled to.
Some agencies may be able to help advise and lodge claims for you. Which can help you understand the process.
Most countries recognise that child support is a critical resource to raise children and have adequate channels to make claims or lodge breaches.
Lodging a Complaint or Breach of Payment
Lodging an official breach in payment will trigger a legal process. Depending on where you live, this may involve meeting with mediators, attending meetings with and without your former partner, and possibly a court hearing, resulting in a decision.
There may be a fee to pay to lodge your case. This could be a nominal fee, for example in Singapore it currently costs $1 to lodge your case for missed maintenance payment. The family court officer and/or relevant website will have details on what documents you need to have in order, to be able to lodge your case.
Make sure you are prepared with the correct paperwork, to avoid delays with getting your case lodged with the courts.
Don’t Assume
If your former partner has a legitimate reason for non-payment such as a disability, sickness, loss of job etc, the courts may allow repayments to be made via an installment plan. So be prepared to establish alternative sources of income to help you weather any gaps in payments.
Of course a court may also order all back-payments to be made by a specific date. Since the outcome can’t be predicted, your best bet is to secure yourself through other means, whilst waiting for an outcome. Never assume that you will get the outcome you desire, or one that ‘seems’ fair to you.
Maintain Peace
It’s all very well preaching the need to be peaceful and amicable with your former partner, but in reality it can be extremely difficult, particularly if there has been a breach with child support payments.
Whilst resentment and potential conflict may be escalated due to the non-payment, it is important to maintain your own peace.
The process to reclaim delayed or missing payments can be short or lengthy. So it is best to maintain calm so you can make the right decisions that are beneficial for you and your children.
Organise Yourself
It’s not a surprise to hear that divorce is touted as the second most traumatic life-event (after death). Even after the divorce is done and dusted, there are still conversations and issues that need to be addressed when you are in a co-parenting relationship.
Keeping your paperwork, receipts and invoices in order can help with the organisation side of things, and save time finding information later. For example the courts may need documentary proof, receipts, invoices, screen-shots of information.
So to avoid complete overwhelm and panic with trying to find things later on, we encourage you to start with an organised approach to your paperwork, so it’s easy to locate information.
Ensuring child payments are set up for automatic payments, can also help keep things on track.
Contingency Planning
The most effective tool you have to ensure up-to-date child support payments is to have effective communication with your former partner. However since that’s not always possible, you can protect yourself and your children best if you have contingency plans in place for interruptions with child support payments.
Having a contingency plan, can help minimise the damage to your and your children, should your former partner delay or stop paying child support.
We interviewed finance expert Batya Shulman; Partner from St James Wealth Management, who recommended having 3-6 months of savings kept aside for an emergency fund.
To Summarise…
Interruptions in child support payments can potentially place you and your children in a dangerous situation and cause financial and economic distress. In such instances, if you can’t communicate effectively directly with your former partner to rectify the situation, you will need to follow the appropriate legal recourse available to you.
So that you can avoid any such ‘shocks’ in the future, we encourage you to pre-plan and anticipate how interruptions in child support may affect you and your children.
The more you can anticipate this situation (even if it doesn’t seem likely to you) you can plan ahead and make contingency plans, which hopefully you won’t need to fall back on.
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